


Tord Is Weird

by orionlethargy



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Attempted Murder, Auto-Cannibalism, Cannibal Tord, Cannibalism, Lazy - Freeform, Other, Secrets, Vampire Matt, Withdrawal, everything i write is terrible, not fixing typos bc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-03 20:36:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10974882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orionlethargy/pseuds/orionlethargy
Summary: Tord has a lot of secrets he'd rather nobody find out about





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> whyd i write this well *car horn*  
> this is just multiple chaps because its too long for a normal read audhgjn  
> i wrote this in comm arts

Tord was a weird guy.

Edd knew that since the day he met him. 

But he brushed off every off-hand comment, every weird look, every time he had to run out of the house at odd hours for 'errands'.

He didnt say a word about Tord's gun obsession. He never tried to snoop through Tord's weird hentai collection. He let Tord continue on with his rants about communism. 

Because Tord was his friend. And youre supposed to like your friends regardless of their quirks. Right? 

Tom obviously didnt feel the same way. 

He was suspicious of the commie from day one. He questioned everything Tord did, from going out at night to something as trivial as changing what cologne he used. He'd take any chance he could to demean him. He HATED Tord and hated how secretive he was. How couldnt Edd see he wasnt trustworthy? 

And Matt..well, Matt wouldnt know suspicious if it were staring him in the face. Or living in the same house as him. 

Tord may have been secretive but nothing he did was neccesarily a cause for concern. 

Until now.

Tord had been looking rough. Dark circles under his eyes, weird marks on his body, lathargic. He wasnt home a lot lately. 

Edd was really worried. Tord had developed a tick and started twitching if he was stressed. 

"Do you think Tord has been..acting weird?" Edd muttered to Tom. The two were sitting on the couch. Edd was peeking behind it at Tord, who had earbuds in. He twitched and Edd's frown deepened. 

"No." Tom said boredly. "Hey, d'ya think Matt would be up for dr-?" 

"Tom. Im serious. He's twitching every time I see him. I think something is really wrong." Edd cut him off. Tom rolled his non-existent eyes. 

"If you're so worried, why dont you ask him if something's up?" Tom suggested. 

"You know he'll just deny it. Tord doesnt like worrying people.." Edd said. He lowered his voice. "Do you..do you think we should have an intervention?" 

"You think he's doing drugs?" Tom snorted. 

"Well-I mean-maybe! I dont know! What if he is?" Edd said. "Seriously. What if he is doing drugs? What then?" 

Tom's expression grew serious. "Ok, ok..we'll ask him about it tonight. Would you calm down, then?" 

"I cant calm down until I'm sure nothing's wrong." Edd huffed. Tom rubbed his shoulder. 

"Its gonna be okay, Edd. I'm sure we're all just overreacting." Tom said. Edd didnt look as sure. 

 

"Have you seen Tord?" Edd walked into Matt's room. Matt was in the middle of his self-worshipping sessions. It was a lot less erotic than you'd think. Matt looked up from the numerous mirrors surrounding him. 

"I thought he was in the kitchen." Matt said.

"Why would he be in there?" Edd questioned. 

"He said he would make dinner tonight! Ive never had Tord's cooking. I hope it's good." Matt looked back at a mirror. "Not as good as me, though~"

"Tord is cooking?" Edd muttered. He walked out of Matt's room and the smell of cooking meat filled his nose. It smelled really good. He followed the scent to the kitchen were Tord was standing over a pan. He gazed up at Edd and smiled. He looked as tired as ever. 

"Ah, hello, Edd. Dinner will be done in about ten minutes." Tord said.

"Whats with this sudden interest in cooking?" Edd chuckled, walking over to watch Tord cook better.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you all." Tord said, flipping the meat. Edd watched it sizzle. 

"It looks really good. What is it?" Edd asked. 

"Oh, it's...pork. Its imported, from Norway. I wanted to treat you all to a hearty meal." Tord laughed. 

"Ive never seen pork look like that..hope it's good anyway!" Edd said. Tord smiled and went back to cooking.

Edd was glad Tord wanted to do something nice, but..it didnt really add up. Tord looked like he hadnt slept in a week. And he was up and cooking like nothing was wrong? It didnt make much sense. But who was he to refuse a hot meal?


	2. This Isn't Pork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wheezees

Everyone sat down at the table as Tord handed plates out. Dinner looked delicious, a big serving of meat covered in spices and dripping with gravy. Edd couldnt wait to dig in. 

Tom, however, had his nose turned up. 

"I'm not eating anything Tord made." He said. 

"Tom, cmon. Its not like hes trying to poison us." Edd chastised. 

"Yes, Tom. I'm very hurt by that." Tord said, putting his hand to his chest in mock pain. He then grinned darkly. He didnt look as threatening so tired and pale. 

"I think it looks great!" Matt chirped, taking a big bite. Edd followed suite and ate some of the meat. It was soft, tender, so good..but it didnt taste like pork. The texture was all wrong and it had some hints of pork, yes, but this was obviously a different kind of meat. He looked up at Tord curiously. What did he gain in lying about what meat he used?

"Its great! ...what is it?" Matt asked. 

"Its a brand of Norwegian pork. I knew you'd like it." Tord smiled. 

Oh, yeah. It was Norwegian. It was bound to taste different..but pork is pork! And this? Not pork. 

Dinner finished rather cheerfully and Edd took it upon himself to do the dishes. He was wondering if he should still stage an intervention..Tord SEEMED alright. If he made everyone confront him, he'd end up looking paranoid. 

He decided it didnt have to be a public discussion. It could be private. 

And Tord wouldnt know it was even happening. 

He decided to do some good old-fashioned snooping. Tord said he'd be going out again tonight so he had the perfect chance. 

Was snooping through his friend's stuff wrong? Yes. Did he feel bad about it? Not really. 

He crept into Tord's dark room. He had to keep the light off because it was late and any light would alert Tom or Matt. He tiptoed around, looking for anything he knew wasnt there before. He knew Tord's room pretty well, he was in there frequently. 

He looked under the bed, in his drawers, in his socks drawer. Nothing. Edd thought maybe he was just being paranoid, this was stupid. That was when he saw a shadowy object near one of the corners. 

Of course. Keep things hidden in plain sight.

He walked closer and realized it was a mini fridge. Oh. Nothing weird about that. It was normal for roomates to keep their food seperate-

But if Tord were doing drugs, this would he exactly where theyd be. The last place you'd expect. 

No, this is going too far. You cant snoop through Tord's food. Edd was trying to reason with himself but his curiosity was too great. 

With the reasoning that this was for Tord's own good, Edd pulled open the fridge and the little light inside made him squint. After a few seconds of adjusting to the light Edd was able to see what was in the fridge.

Fuck. 

It wasnt drugs. But right now, Edd really wished it was. 

The fridge was filled with various body parts wrapped in plastic. Thighs. Torsoes. Arms. The racks of the fridge had splotches of blood on them. Edd was overpowered by the smell of raw meat and blood. He felt sick. This couldnt be real. 

This had to be a joke, he was dreaming, anything, please-

Those hopes died as he saw a familiar cut of meat. He recognized it because it was the same cut from dinner. 

He had WATCHED Tord wrap it up again. And here it was. 

Edd felt the bile rise up in his throat as he realized what Tord had fed them. 

Human meat. 

Edd slammed the fridge door shut and ran out of the room, covering his mouth with his hand. He luckily made it to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach. Thank god, he thought. He sat on his knees, shaking over the toilet bowl. 

Tord was a cannibal. That was why he was looking wrong lately. Tord was a murderer, a cannibal, he killed people and ate them and fed their body parts to his friends-

Edd didnt know when he started crying. He felt his chest tighten as a panic attack washed over him. He sobbed, falling back onto his knees.

Was Tord going to find out? Would he kill Edd, too? An image of Matt and Tom eating him flashed through his mind and he sobbed harder. He hated this. He wanted this night to end.

"Edd?" Edd's head snapped up. For a split second he thought it was Tord until he recognized the dark figure as Tom. His face was twisted with concern and he kneeled down next to Edd. 

"What happened? Did you have a panic attack?" Tom asked softly. Edd nodded. He needed to tell someone, he needed-

Not tonight. They needed a plan first. 

Tords secret would be safe. For now.

Tom helped him get cleaned up and carefully escorted him back to his room. He even offered to stay in Edd's room for the night. Edd almost agreed. He needed some kind of reassurance. But he declined and was left alone in the dark. 

Edd tossed and turned all night, struggling with the information he had. He just couldnt believe Tord had the capability to kill.

But something deep within him knew all along. He knew that Tord was dangerous. He just pushed that aside and accepted him. To make Totd happy. Maybe be shouldnt have ignored that gut feeling. 

Maybe they wouldnt be here right now.


	3. Uh Oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o shit boy

Edd didnt want to leave his room. 

He didnt want to face Tord. 

Around 2 pm, Tom came to check on him.

Edd just told him he was recovering from last night. Tom believed him and left him alone. Edd sort of wished he didnt. 

"What should I do?" Edd muttered, tangled up in his own sheets. "Should I call the police?" It seemed like the most logical thing to do. But if Tord figured out what he planned to do before he did it..

He'd end up in that fridge, too. 

He had to get up and face Tord. At least figure out how dangerous he was before he made his plan. Yeah, that sounded good.

He also decided to get up because he was hungry. His stomach was empty from last night and was growling loudly. 

He kicked off his blankets and stumbled out of the room. He froze when he got to the kitchen to find Tord in there. He was laying bacon on a rack. At 2 pm?

"H-hey Tord." Edd said. Tord looked over at him and smiled.

"Good morning, Edd. Er..afternoon. I wanted to make something for you before you woke up. Its just microwaved bacon so its not as good, but.." Tord said.

"No, no, thats fine." Edd said. Tord put the bacon in and pressed the start button.

"So, what kept you in your room? I hope it was not my cooking." Tord laughed. Edd felt his stomach lurch. 

"N-no, no..guess I just felt like sleeping in." Edd said, shrugging. 

"Ah, I understand." Tord said. "I was thinking of making steaks tonight. What do you think?" 

Edd felt sick. "Sounds great"

"Hey, Tord, I have a question. Where do you keep your meat? I didnt see it in the fridge last night."

"Oh, I bring it home fresh every day. It tastes better that way." Tord said.

Liar. 

"Oh. That makes sense." Edd nodded. 

The microwave dinged, signifying Edd's bacon was done. Tord pulled it out and put it on a plate for him. Edd took it gratefully and took a bite. Tasted normal. Thank god. 

He ate it all quickly and put his plate in the sink. He tried to hurry out of the kitched but Tord called to him.

"Oh, Edd!" Edd felt his heart sink.

"I'd like some help with dinner tonight. Would you be willing..?" 

Edd's heart beat faster. "Sure! Uh..yeah. Ill help." He said. And got out as fast as he could. He ran back into his room and locked the door. Tord wanted him to 'help'. Oh god. Was Tord gonna eat him? Was he next? 

Edd felt another panic attack rise up but forced it back down. He needed to act. Now. With shaky hands, he pulled his phone off his dresser and opened up the cell phone app. He dialed the police and was about to call when he paused. 

If he called now, he'd get in trouble, too. 

Withholding information. He didnt call immedietly. Oh god. 

Edd turned his phone off bitterly. He was trapped. He couldnt go to the police. He already knew about the cannibalism and said nothing. He was stupid, he wish he could redo that night and-

Edd paused-mid thought.

He could fake it. Just pretend that he only now found out about the cannibalism. It was easy. 

Except for one little detail. 

He'd have to go back into Tord's room.

Better now than never, right? 

Edd pocketed his phone and carefully got out of bed and walked down the hall, making sure that nobody was around. He crept down the hallway to Tord's room. 

He slowly opened the door. The lights were on but Tord wasnt in here. Good. He left the door open just a crack so he could escape if needed. He walked to the fridge and opened it's contents again. He was again met with the smell of meat. It disgusted him.

Inside Edd spotted some cuts that were meant to be steaks stacked in a pile. Oh. So Edd wouldnt be the main course tonight. He still wasnt very reassured.

That could change if he didnt hurry this up. He pulled out an arm carefully, fighting the urge to scream. He needed evidence. 

He slowly took out his phone and dialed 999. He was about to press call when he heard the door in the room shut. Edd jumped and his stomach plummeted. 

He dropped the limb and turned around. Tord had just closed the door and was now staring him.


	4. Matt To The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally its over  
> if you read this all im dissapointed in you (not really)

"No, Tord, p-please.." Edd whimpered, backing away. Tord's eyes shot from the arm on the floor to the open fridge to Edd. 

"Please, please, dont-" Edd pleaded. "I never-I wont tell-" 

"Tell what, Edd?" Tord asked cooly, walking towards him. Edd felt tears well up in his eyes. 

"Tell a-about the..the fridge..I wont.." Edd said between shaky breaths. He was desperately trying to breathe but it was like all the oxygen had left the room. He felt dizzy. 

"Why would you need to tell, Edd?" Tord laughed. He walked over to the arm and picked it up. Blood dripped from the plastic. "It's fake!" 

Edd just stared at him as Tord laughed, taking the arm back to the fridge and shutting it in. "Yes, nothing to worry about. It's all fake. Plastic." Tord said. He looked back to Edd, who had backed himself into a corner. He slowly walked over to the man. It didnt matter that Tord was shorter than him. Edd was still terrified. 

Tord gave Edd a smile and leaned in close. He plucked the phone from his hands and threw it behind him. Edd was shaking, still muttering soft pleas. 

Tord leaned in close to Edd's ear. "You dont believe me," He muttered. "Do you?"

Edd screamed and pushed past him. Tord pulled a switchblade from his hoodie pocket and ran towards Edd. Tord pulled him back from the door and wrapped his arms around him. Edd struggled to get out of his grip. Tord kicked his knees and he fell, Tord still holding him. He pushed Edd onto the bed and climbed on top of him, pinning his hands above his head. Tord pressed the knife to his throat. Edd cried loudly as he writhed pointlessly. 

"P-Please! Tord dont kill me, please, please! Fuck, please!" Edd cried. 

"Shouldnt have gotten so curious, Edd. You should have just stayed out of it. But you cant ever do that, can you?" Tord snarled, pressing the knife harder onto Edd's throat. Enough to make tiny beads of blood well up. 

"Its a shame, Edd. I really did like you. But I think I'll like you more on a plate." 

"Hey!" 

Tord whipped his head around and saw Matt standing in the doorway. Matt quickly closed the door behind him and hurried into the room.   
"Tord, quit it!" 

"Uh..sorry." Tord said awkwardly. He carefully removed the knife and got off of Edd. 

Edd was completely still, still crying and looking at Matt in shock. 

"M..Matt?" He sniffled. 

"Yes, its me. Tord, that was just unneccesary! I was gonna tell him tommorow, anyway.." Matt scolded.

"He was gonna call the police and I freaked out, okay??" Tord said defensively. 

"Matt, whats going on?" Edd asked shakily. 

"Oh, um..we really should explain now, Tord." Matt said. 

"Fine." Tord sighed. "So, Edd...maybe a year ago, I started..getting cravings. Im sure you can assume what for. So I..I killed a man and brought some parts home. I put them in the ice box and Matt found out. But he-" 

"I forgave him! To keep his secret, we made a little deal. Every time he eats a person, he has to give me all the drained blood. Thanks to Tordy, I havent had to hunt for a year!" Matt said, rudely cutting Tord off. 

"W-wait..what?" Edd said

"Remember that time I was bitten by a vampire all those years ago? We thought it wore off?" Matt said. Edd nodded. "Well..I transformed back just a few months after it. See?" Matt opened his mouth and pointed to his canines. They were a lot longer and sharper than Edd remembered. 

"So youre still a vampire?" Edd said.

"Yep!" Matt said. 

"Then why d-do you still have all your mirrors if you cant see yourself?" Edd asked.

"Because itd be suspicious if I just got rid of them. Besides, I like them for nostalgia's sake. Plus theyre shiny." Matt said fondly.

"We're getting off topic. Point is, Matt gets all the blood I drain so he keeps my secret." Tord said. 

"Its actually a really good thing, Edd! It cuts the amount of people that are killed for feeding when Tord supplies me the blood. If i had to feed and Tord had to eat seperately, a lot more people would die. But we're making those numbers a lot fewer together!" Matt said. 

"B-but..people are still dying. T-tord is still a murderer!" Edd said. 

"Edd, all those people would have to die so Matt could feed anyway. Theyre getting more uses now." Tord said. 

"This is sick." Edd sniffled. "...does Tom know?" 

"Yep. He's a part of this plot, too." Tord said. 

"You have to be fucking kidding.." Edd said. 

"Nope. You know how Tom..transforms sometimes?" Matt said. Edd didnt say anything. 

"Well, he transforms into this big scary monster. And when he does, he has to eat human meat." Matt said. 

"So I supply the bastard. Technically, we're cutting the rate of murder three times." Tord said. 

"Why was I the only one in the dark about this?!" Edd demanded. He was no longer scared. He was angry. 

"Because youd never understand. You were terrified when you discovered my fridge, Edd. I knew youd be so I never wanted you to find out. We know its wrong. But its what keeps Matt alive and Tom sated. So it cant be all bad, right?" Tord said. 

"Promise you wont tell anyone?" Matt asked. Edd was quiet for a bit. 

"...Fine. But I never want to see this fridge again. Put it somewhere else." Edd said, sitting up. 

"Will do." Tord said. 

"And Im never eating anything you make ever again." Edd said. "Why DID you serve us..that?" 

"For Matt and Tom. Tom's transformation cycle was coming up and that would help him. I thought youd like the meat..it is pretty screwed up now that I think about it. Sorry." Tord said. 

"But Tom didnt eat it." Edd said. 

"He did in private. He just refused to do so in front of you to save face. His ego is bigger than his stomach." Tord rolled his eyes. 

"Wait, Tord..if youve been like this for a year, why are you only now looking so weird?" Edd asked.

"It was stress. I was caught in the act." Tord frowned, but a grin spread across his face. "But theres no need to worry. The witness was delicious." 

For the third time in two days, Edd felt sick to his stomach. Hed never get used to this.


	5. Sickening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for some strange reason you people wanted more of this so  
> i took the suggestion of tord eating himself  
> i just graduated middle school so here i guess  
> you people have weird interests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole story started out as a vent piece ?????   
> hi im tord and i get cannibalistic urges like any other freshman  
> lemme say i do NOT ACTUALLY CONDONE CANNIBALISM THIS IS JUST AN UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISM

Tord couldnt focus. 

He was supposed to be reading over an important document given to him by a foreign leader. He kept up his hentai-obsessed asshole persona around his friends but in reality, he was the vicious Red Leader. And he had an army to run. A very successful army, he might add. Not only did they have extreme influence all over the world but he, Red Leader, terrified other dictators. 

The fact the leader of the most powerful army in the world was a cannibal was a very good intimidation factor. 

But at the moment, his work was escaping him. As many times as he tried to read over the paper in his hand, he just couldnt. The words were blurry and he read them over and over without him registering any of them. There was a dull throbbing at the back of his head. One hand held the paper while the other was twitching slightly. His eye twitched and he rubbed at it, trying to clear his head. There was a dull ringing in his ears that wasn't really happening. He felt like he was floating.

Tord was going through withdrawal. 

He had ran out of his stash of the thing he most depended on. Human meat. He didn't know how it happened so fast. He guesses he got wrapped up in things after reveal this secret to Edd. Dealing with Edd and making sure he didn't tell anyone had caused him a lot of stress and in that time, he had no opportunity to go out and hunt. So the little fridge in his room (which he had moved to the closet upon Edd's request) was empty. 

It still smelled like blood. And meat. He could smell it from here and that just made Tord want it more.

He was getting cravings.

There was an ache in his stomach that was always there no matter how much he ate. He TRIED eating other kinds of meats. And almost made himself sick in the process when he tried to eat raw steak. Tom had caught him, thank god. 

He found himself staring at Edd and drooling on more than one occasion. Edd was thoroughly creeped out by this. He was always scared that Tord really would try to eat him. He confided in Matt about this once and Matt reassured him that Tord would never do something like that. Edd was his closest friend. But Edd wasn't convinced and by now, neither was Tord. He was damn near ready to do anything to get meat. What was a friend to satisfy these horrible urges?

But he didn't. He couldnt. He cared about Edd too much and even if he was starting to see Edd more as a meal than a person, he couldnt ever hurt him. 

But he had to do something. Something had to give eventually. He needed meat or he felt like he'd loose his mind. 

Tord stared down at his twitching hand. He had gotten shaky and twitchy since withdrawal had started. The way his knuckles moved under his hand made his mouth water.

Something had to give. 

Someone had to give.

Just a little bit couldnt hurt, right?

Tord reasoned with himself as a small smile crept across his lips. No one would need to know. He'd bandage himself up. It'd be somewhere no one would see. It would be easy. It'd satisfy him long enough that he could hunt again. 

He reached into his desk drawer, pulling out a switchblade. The same one he had on him the night Edd figured out his secret. He hadn't had to use it then. Now was different. 

Tord rolled up his sleeve and placed the knife over his arm. How hadn't he thought of this sooner? He let out a quick laugh about how stupid he had been for not thinking of this. It was so obvious..

Tord wasted no time in cutting into his arm. He stared at the red blood that blossomed out from the cut. It looked so good..

He cut out a piece and took it to his lips. The smell hit him and he let out a pleased sigh. Just what he'd been wanting. He didn't care about the throbbing pain coming from his arm. That didn't matter right now. He just needed to eat..

He ate the piece of flesh and fuck, he'd missed this. It was so good. 

His stomach growled. This wasn't enough. He needed more. 

More.

Tord made another cut into his arm. And another. And another. He was making quite a mess and the document he was supposed to be reading was getting flecks of blood on it. He didn't care. 

Tord stared down at his arm, shaking. It was a complete mess, ripped and bloody. He still wanted more. But the last shred of logic in his mind told him his arm was spent, any more from it and he'd cause irreversible damage. He didn't want that to happen. 

He needed flesh from somewhere else. 

Tord knew the perfect place as he looked down at his legs and grinned. Perfect.

He shuffled out of his pants a bit and plunged the knife in, biting his bottom lip from the pain. He wouldn't hit an artery, he knew the human body to well to make a mistake like that. He made sure to carve out a nice piece and tore into it, sending blood all over his already red hoodie. Thigh meat was always his favorite.

Tord was bleeding really badly now. He started to take out another piece with a shaking hand. He felt wetness on his face and realized he had started crying at some point. Why would he cry? This was too great for tears. 

He raised his own flesh to his lips again and swallowed it down. He gazed down at what he'd done with a shaky breath and he just..started laughing. At how horribly sick this was. 

He kept laughing until everything went dark. He had passed out from blood loss.

 

Tord awoke with a burning pain in his arm and leg that made him wince. Fuck, what happened?

He was in a horrible pain and went to grip his arm only to find that made it alot worse. His vision returned and he saw the full extent of what he had done.

His pocket knife was coated in blood and bits of meat, his arm was basically skinned, his thigh had two huge chunks missing and his desk was covered in blood that was starting to drip onto the floor. The most sickening thing about this situation was that he felt full. 

Absolutely panicking, Tord pulled gauze and bandage out of his desk drawer and started bandaging himself up. Fuck, fuck fuck..this was really bad. He may need to actually go to a hospital. 

What the fuck had he done?


End file.
